Learn tips to have productive discussions about personal finances with a senior loved one.
Amongst the hardest decisions for older adults is accepting the need for help with financial matters. Personal finances are both exceedingly personal and a representation of your independence, and adult children, in many cases, are met with resistance when stepping into the financial arena with regards to senior parents.
Why It’s Important to Discuss Finances With Senior Loved Ones
A lot of today’s seniors maintain a “depression mentality” from decades of saving for a rainy day and learning to “waste not, want not.” It may be difficult for them to share access to finances with adult children, as well as to accept the necessity to spend some of those personal finances on caregiving needs.
Nevertheless, for a number of reasons, including the ever-growing incidence of senior scams and cognitive decline, it is essential to make certain that the resources our senior loved ones have acquired over the years are safe and sound, and that bills are paid correctly and on time. It is an issue which should be managed delicately and with diplomacy.
Tips for Discussing Personal Finance With Seniors
Consider these tips for a simple transition to helping a senior loved one with manage their personal finances:
- Approach the first conversation intentionally. Approaching a senior loved one with the need for assistance with personal finances can cause some anxiety. Maintaining respect for the older adult throughout the process is very important, making it clear that your intentions are not to “take over,” but to work alongside the senior to produce a plan for successfully managing finances.
- Organize documents. Once you’ve established a feasible financial plan with your loved one, round up copies of all relevant documents into one easily-accessible location, including bank/brokerage statements, insurance plans, mortgage/reverse mortgage paperwork, Social Security payments, wills, etc.
- Access accounts. Work with an established and reliable financial planner or elder law attorney to get access to your loved one’s financial accounts to enable you to write checks on his/her behalf and facilitate any other necessary transactions.
- Include other members of the family. Regular meetings with other members of the family who may have a vested interest in the older adult’s financial matters ensures everyone is well informed and on the same page, and may help alleviate problems with future conflicts. Designate someone to take notes of every decision made, and present each family member with a copy.
- Plan for the future. As a senior loved one’s health or cognitive ability change over time, it’s going to be important to have an agenda in place for additional action that may be needed, such as becoming Power of Attorney for the older adult, as well as end-of-life decisions, including asset distribution.
If the older adult is resistant to your advice about his or her finances, it can sometimes help to bring in a reliable third party professional, such as a financial advisor – and sometimes even the senior’s primary care physician – who’s able to help the senior grasp the value of getting financial affairs in order now. You may also want to shelve the conversation for a little bit and revisit the subject later.
Conversation Starters for Personal Finance Discussions
Speaking with an older parent about personal finances is most efficient when initiated before the need occurs, recognizing it could take a number of conversations until an understanding can be reached. These discussion starters may help:
- “Dad, at some point, we are going to have to make some decisions about the future. Now may be a great time to relax together and go over your wishes and the financial side of making sure we are able to abide by those wishes.”
- “Mom, I know you are managing your money just fine now, but what if something were to happen to your overall health that stopped you from paying your bills on time? It would be important to have a backup plan in place. Let’s take a moment and create one.”
- “Mom and Dad, you have always been so good at handling your money and providing for us while we were little. We want to be sure to continue that legacy, and also to understand how best to help both of you meet your financial obligations in the event that the time comes that you’ll require some assistance with that.”
It can also be useful to share real-life situations of a relative or neighbor who was victimized by identity theft, or a story from the news regarding the changing economy, stock market declines, modifications to tax laws, etc. This tends to trigger a discussion about your aging parents’ own retirement plans and any financial fears for the future, allowing you to come to a mutually agreeable resolution, such as talking with a financial advisor together.
First and foremost, make sure to maintain a sense of respect, never attempting to “take over” your parents’ finances, but to supply the reassurance and peace of mind that their financial matters will still be managed effectively.
Ask your parents for advice, including them in the decision-making process.
Get Professional Help for Family Caregivers With Relevar Home Care
Relevar Home Care offers an in-home consultation that can help older adults, plus those who love them to discover their options for care, and to help mediate difficult conversations such as those related to finances and caregiving. Contact us online to learn more about our home care services in Macomb County, MI and the surrounding areas.